When it was my turn

to take matters into my own hands, I finally took that chance. Naturally, I was disappointed at the result. Nothing can be the way you expected on the first try. You were right, vulnerability is a high stake. Still, I never liked your way of thinking because I want to stop protecting myself. I went all-in because I believed that it was time for me to be less selfish. But then I was hit in one shot. Yes, "I told you so."
I was never more open to possibilities than that time, but now I realized that I got more things to worry about than foolish efforts for a shot at love. I don't want to sit at the waiting bench anymore because I just don't put myself in that position. Ever. So don't expect me to be that vulnerable anymore. I believed that it was all worth it until I realized you've been wasting my time. I waited for a simple 2 letters or 3 letters answer, but I got more than I asked for. Even so, I take in everything you said, but your actions did not live up to your words. Words. WORDS. This was all bs, but I still defended you till the end. You are a good person, but I realized I have been looking in the wrong direction. Forgive me. I bought into the idea that things could work out if I allowed people to put their nose into it when life could be much more simple if I left it alone and let the puzzle pieces fall together. I should've trusted myself more when I second-guessed my feelings.
I like us as friends. Let's not change that because I'll live up to my promise that I will be someone you can trust here. I don't want to be thrown into the pile of people that you were once close to, that you once trusted. I hate being part of the "oh typical."
On the matter of trust. Once upon a time, there was a girl who faithfully put trust in her close friends. But there was a bad apple in the bunch that crushed her belief that people could be easily trusted. I felt like you waltzed to your own beat without realizing that your exaggerations could hurt me. I started thinking that you just want to control me because everything you said were targetting at me. Because you were one of my closest friends in davis, I trusted you and I misjudged myself and wanted to change my ways. Why were you always overly sensitive to what I do? This is one of the reason why I was scared to be around you because I can sense you judging every inch I make. Then you exaggerate your stories. One side of my head know what I did, but the other side can't help but believe in your words. When everyone around me said, "You didn't do anything wrong" I became upset, but nothing makes me more upset than our friendship falling apart. Trust me, I always valued it, but something just didn't work for us, and it caused us to gradually drift away. It was partially my fault that things soured between us. No matter what, you were someone that I trusted the most because I could clearly see that you were a good friend on some level, and you genuinely cared for me. Time could've mended some scars and bruises, but I find it pretty impossible to talk to you because of the way you were treating me. All I wanted was for us to chill out for a bit, but you took the first step to fuel the fire. If this is your idea of "working things out" then I'm just going with the flow.
I may like watching dramas and Gossip Girl, but one thing I hate the most is to have dramas in my life. Trust me, I did not ask for ANY of this. I'm a freakin sophomore in college and this is not what I'm looking for in life.
I'm lining up bricks so I can build this wall. This girl can no longer trust people so easily. Nor can she give in too quick to pressure.