Love is lalalalala ♫

Do people always write when they are sad, mad, or upset?
Seems so.
Even I'm not an exception.
Bad memories seem to last longer than the delightful ones. Hatred somehow overpowers love. People create a black hole of their own and fall right in only to find the other side empty and life becomes nonexistent. That's the result when negative thoughts build up and things fall apart. You lose everything. Let's embrace the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. We will realize how simple life will be when we are more satisfy with ourselves and all the things that are bestowed upon us. Because we done something right and wrong along the way to deserve these things. And somehow we will find a reason to everything one day, so let's accept this present. Let's not think about what could have been in the past and what might have happen in the future.
This is what I want to tell myself every single day.
Be happy heart :)

Nothing but a sandcastle

baby don't blow me away...♫

That's exactly how luck is. A sandcastle. Someone build it up and I happen upon it. I'm holding onto it, but I also know that this thing called "luck" can be easily blown away. Once that happen, it will no longer be mine.

These past few days I've been reaching the peak of luck. And I'm scared that it might reach a denouement, and leave me. I'm so happy with how things are going with my life. The fact that maybe we can become good friends, and maybe I can amount to something in your life. Also, a job offer came to me out of nowhere. And these past few days, I've been out and about instead of staying home half the day, doing nothing. Everything seems so perfect for me right now, yet I'm not used to this kind of perfection in my life. Before, barely anything goes the way I wanted it to. I hope this last. I really want a job. And I really want to see us one day laughing together, as good friends. Wish me the best of luck!!!

Really, truthfully, undoubtedly

I thought it would be different this time. Honestly, I really thought it would change. I tried, I tried with all my might. But no matter what I do, where I go, who I meet, my heart is still beating that one heart beat just for you.
That's just ridiculous.

I'm never alone.

Looking back at the old conversations I had with some of my friends, I realized that we were all so foolish to think that love is something hard to achieve. Turns out that we were just over-achievers.

Save me from myself.

I mean it.
Why does it hurt so much?
Maybe I'm just selfish.

Up to no good.

Too much drama. My neck hurts. Karma's a bitch. I could be out clubbin with my girls but I chose to stay home. I actually don't regret doing that cause staying home is a much much better option than having strangers feeling up on me on the dance floor. All in all, I'm still bored at home, nothing exciting has been happening. Wow I'm kinda ridiculous. Of course nothing exciting will happen when my ass decides to stay home.
What do I want to say, anyway?
Long Siggghhh. I'm quite tired of myself if no one is yet. Truth is I never learn. Time after time, I always run into situations where it is always too late. And once again, I repeat it. Is this my destiny? Do I believe in that? Heh, I swear one day my time will come. Because I am not destined to feel trapped, I'll find you one day.

Positive.

Today was a good day. Job hunting is the first thing I definitely should do, but the last thing that I want to do right now. But I did it anyway. There was a lot of discouragement and self-doubt because I don't have a notable list of achievements or job experience; not to mention, I am only staying in the bay for about 2 and a half months. For some reason, I like this balance; the feeling of optimism and self doubt evens out because if I don't get the job, I will not be too disappointed. At the same time, I have hope and I welcome any opportunity that will come my way. Be it a lie or whatever when they say "Yes, we are hiring!" but wow that made my day. Laughable. But I guess this is the picture of a girl who never had a job. Geez, regrets, I have lots. I could have gotten a job during my high school years, but my mom did not approve of it. That's why it got to me. My laziness and lack of encouragement to get a darn job. Someone help me because I really want to grow up. I feel like a little kid when I type out my resume only to stop at "Past employments." Yea I associate adulthood to that. Yes it is subjective, but let's say it is embarrassing to be 18 and not know what it's like to work. What constitutes happiness in our life can never be easily grasped, rightly fulfilled, or completely satisfied. It always changes. Like right now, a job would make me the happiest-go-lucky girl on Earth. No doubt.
And of course there's you. xP
Overly hopeless.
I'll suffice. I will remain positive because this balance of optimism and doubt has helped me to be strong.

Allow me to...

It really has been a while since I've been on this site. I guess nothing goes on in my mind lately because I was pretty numbed, depressed, and low for quite a long time. Now here's something to talk about. On the topic of having strong compassion for someone, I wish I could have the chance to feel it. I'm not denying that I haven't felt one of those things ever in my life. Of course I have, but the thing is I was never wholehearted. Like nothing was ever worth it, I foolishly decides to close my heart, then open it, only to close it up again. Let me know what it's like to wholly give my time to someone that I have feelings for. I wish I have that chance. I would not blame anyone who chooses not to wait for me because if I was his good friend, I would say the same to him that "She's not worth it." I was always scared to hurt someone because of my slow progress in understanding the meaning of giving myself up to love. So I told him, please don't wait for me with a simple paraphrase of "I don't like you." But now I'm so ready to be less selfish, more open to the happiness of giving you my hands, my ears, and my heart. It all sounds so easy, because everyone around me seems like understand this so well. But this is my flaw, why did it take so long for me to deliver it with eloquence and form? After all, I'm the person who doesn't seem to take chances. Therefore, I fall short in comprehending this simple ability to love that is almost as innate as hunting for food when you are hungry.