Allow me to...

It really has been a while since I've been on this site. I guess nothing goes on in my mind lately because I was pretty numbed, depressed, and low for quite a long time. Now here's something to talk about. On the topic of having strong compassion for someone, I wish I could have the chance to feel it. I'm not denying that I haven't felt one of those things ever in my life. Of course I have, but the thing is I was never wholehearted. Like nothing was ever worth it, I foolishly decides to close my heart, then open it, only to close it up again. Let me know what it's like to wholly give my time to someone that I have feelings for. I wish I have that chance. I would not blame anyone who chooses not to wait for me because if I was his good friend, I would say the same to him that "She's not worth it." I was always scared to hurt someone because of my slow progress in understanding the meaning of giving myself up to love. So I told him, please don't wait for me with a simple paraphrase of "I don't like you." But now I'm so ready to be less selfish, more open to the happiness of giving you my hands, my ears, and my heart. It all sounds so easy, because everyone around me seems like understand this so well. But this is my flaw, why did it take so long for me to deliver it with eloquence and form? After all, I'm the person who doesn't seem to take chances. Therefore, I fall short in comprehending this simple ability to love that is almost as innate as hunting for food when you are hungry.