The time has come. Brace yourself

For the past...I-don't-recall days, I've been pretty offline and not spending times on the net for hours like I used to. Honestly, it feels refreshing. I have time to reassure myself that I'm still me, still strong and independent, and I can still think straight and focus on doing things for my own leisure, such as reading a book. Because ever since August started, so many things ran through my head. My friends packing and leaving, that not-meant-to-be guy who liked me and whom I cast away with my uncertainties, a reflection of myself, the decision that I will have to face when I step on college ground, and ultimately, going to college and living that life unconstrained by worried adults. But ever since I finished Harry Potter, I feel lifeless and walking around my house searching aimlessly and looking forward to nothing. Anyway, back to what I was talking about. I think I like myself more when I focus on the present and not the past or the future. Although I really did live for the present (making plans to hang out with my friends and such), I felt like my soul was still wandering in the what-could-have-been past and the what-could-be future. I did not like living in those moments at all. And I guess just simply reading helped me out of that phase for four days. I want to look for that Me again. It took awhile and that fated time has finally come. The time when I can move on (honestly, I will forever remember and appreciate the good memories that this summer had left me and the smile he had left me. And although it was bittersweet, I will rest it in my heart). Continuing on, the time has come when Patricia leaves for Harvard. The time when many others will be leaving for college. The time when I will move into my dorm. It's dawning on me. So close. I actually felt the effect of people leaving for college like a few weeks ago and that left me in a phase of sadness and tears. And I think I'm over it, and I'm ready to say good-bye without a tear.

Patricia, I will dearly miss your presence here in California, whether I am walking to class, grabbing lunch, hanging out with the other girls, I know in the back of my head, that one sad phrase "I wish Patricia was here," remains. I think our friendship has surpassed one of the rockiest road that most friends have to go through: Boys. haha. And I think our bond became stronger. I hope this will be cherished for years to come. This summer came with many amazement for me and probably for you, too. We are both becoming adults and I feel like we both made mistakes and it was a good thing that came upfront about it with each other. I will miss taking pictures with you, and laugh at your craziness. Even though I showed you love through my sarcasm and my tough shell (and I thought you were probably annoyed once or thrice with my demeanor) but just so that we'll leave with no misunderstanding and strains in our friendship, I will end this by writing out (b/c I don't really have the gut to say it) straightforwardly that I love you (as a friend, of course. haha.)

Anna, I know you are about to leave. And I will miss your smartness, your getting-the-job-done attitude, your care, your concerns, your fast-talking, your unladylike-ness and so many gifts and flaws that you possess that makes you YOU. Although I've known you for years, I haven't really gotten to understand you and feel that we have been through some deep *shit* together. But honestly, it's ok. I know for sure that your desire to be my good friend and other people's good friend is, nonetheless, genuine. And I feel really thankful and glad that we became close friends. I hope you'll come back here in 3 months from Harvard with interesting stories and news for us! By the way, I'm so glad that you chose to have a pot-sticker day with the girls as your farewell present. =) Much love!
I do want to write about many more other special people who have already left for college but then that will come later. <3 <3 <3