When it was my turn

to take matters into my own hands, I finally took that chance. Naturally, I was disappointed at the result. Nothing can be the way you expected on the first try. You were right, vulnerability is a high stake. Still, I never liked your way of thinking because I want to stop protecting myself. I went all-in because I believed that it was time for me to be less selfish. But then I was hit in one shot. Yes, "I told you so."
I was never more open to possibilities than that time, but now I realized that I got more things to worry about than foolish efforts for a shot at love. I don't want to sit at the waiting bench anymore because I just don't put myself in that position. Ever. So don't expect me to be that vulnerable anymore. I believed that it was all worth it until I realized you've been wasting my time. I waited for a simple 2 letters or 3 letters answer, but I got more than I asked for. Even so, I take in everything you said, but your actions did not live up to your words. Words. WORDS. This was all bs, but I still defended you till the end. You are a good person, but I realized I have been looking in the wrong direction. Forgive me. I bought into the idea that things could work out if I allowed people to put their nose into it when life could be much more simple if I left it alone and let the puzzle pieces fall together. I should've trusted myself more when I second-guessed my feelings.
I like us as friends. Let's not change that because I'll live up to my promise that I will be someone you can trust here. I don't want to be thrown into the pile of people that you were once close to, that you once trusted. I hate being part of the "oh typical."
On the matter of trust. Once upon a time, there was a girl who faithfully put trust in her close friends. But there was a bad apple in the bunch that crushed her belief that people could be easily trusted. I felt like you waltzed to your own beat without realizing that your exaggerations could hurt me. I started thinking that you just want to control me because everything you said were targetting at me. Because you were one of my closest friends in davis, I trusted you and I misjudged myself and wanted to change my ways. Why were you always overly sensitive to what I do? This is one of the reason why I was scared to be around you because I can sense you judging every inch I make. Then you exaggerate your stories. One side of my head know what I did, but the other side can't help but believe in your words. When everyone around me said, "You didn't do anything wrong" I became upset, but nothing makes me more upset than our friendship falling apart. Trust me, I always valued it, but something just didn't work for us, and it caused us to gradually drift away. It was partially my fault that things soured between us. No matter what, you were someone that I trusted the most because I could clearly see that you were a good friend on some level, and you genuinely cared for me. Time could've mended some scars and bruises, but I find it pretty impossible to talk to you because of the way you were treating me. All I wanted was for us to chill out for a bit, but you took the first step to fuel the fire. If this is your idea of "working things out" then I'm just going with the flow.
I may like watching dramas and Gossip Girl, but one thing I hate the most is to have dramas in my life. Trust me, I did not ask for ANY of this. I'm a freakin sophomore in college and this is not what I'm looking for in life.
I'm lining up bricks so I can build this wall. This girl can no longer trust people so easily. Nor can she give in too quick to pressure.

Always wish you were here

I heard the sound of you spitting in the sink. Annoying and gross, I used to think. But last night was different. Feels almost like you were back home. And I wish you were. Whenever I'm eating good food or wearing new and pretty clothes, I can't help but feel a pang of guilt. I'm never wholeheartedly happy because whenever I'm adorned with comfort and my body is filled up with nourishment, I think of how you have none of that. And I wish you do. I can't talk to you on the phone, telling you how my day went, how was school, and what I ate today. I don't like showcasing my life to you because I have almost everything. But you have none of that. I can't be content unless I know that you are having a fair share of this good life that I have. You're still young yet your youth is wasting away. I wish it not.
I miss you.
Until you come back, my life is pretty much incomplete.

Don't faze me.

I am me
A normal girl with a spring on my feet.
Do not suppress my happiness with your cold remarks and harmful intentions.

This I know

Our memories will last indefinitely. I will never forget you though. It's not a promise. It's a truth. I'm not too sure if I like the sound of that, but it may be something that I should accept. And I accept. These feelings remain strong, but I can only pull away. I wish that one day I will get a chance--the liberty--to show them. Whether it's for you or another, I'm not worrying too much about the future.

Regrets? The norm.

I've been sleeping in my mom's room again. I used to sleep with my mom all the time when I was little. It was how I was raised so now I would be scared to sleep by myself. It's pathetic, but I can't help it. I feel the security of a well protected child when I sleep next to my mom. But lately I noticed that my mom has about 4 clocks in her room. The ticking sound basically ticks me off. Then I thought to myself, why does she put so many clocks in one room? Maybe because it is convenient for her. Wherever you are in the room, you can tell the time. If people haven't noticed, time actually go slower when you just constantly look at the clock and hand ticking sixty times can feel like forever. As you get older, you hope the days are longer, and you wish time would go slower. Therefore, you glance at the clock every second and you stay awake as much as you can.
We tend to take a lot of things for granted in our life and time is one of them. When we were just a child and a teenager, we hope for time to pass. As we approach the inevitable, we could only wish there were more time. Have we ever stop to think how important it is to take our time? But this is just how we are. Human. There's something about us that works like a system. We tend to take approaches that leads to dissatisfaction and disappointment. We are the epitome of regrets. We bathe in the lust of things taken for granted. Of course, we fail to realize. The beautiful thing is, in the end, we embrace our mistakes and look forward. It's systematic. It's life in the shoe of a human being. It can't be helped

Hmm...

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

REXSTNCE

The future is a fragment of time, one that you can see but never predict but something that you can control to a certain extent. So we take matters into our own hands.
The heart acts faster than the mind. Once you see him, your heart starts racing. But your mind gives you second thoughts. The people who play with their heart seems to always win first place. We see them falling in love, achieving it, possessing it, and holding onto it with the instinct and strength of what their heart has built up. But one day, they get tired because their fuel runs out, their heart runs on empty.
For me, I've always acted on my mind. I think I learnt a lot over the course of my teen years, for waiting out. People say, "good things come when you wait." I'm not sure if I'll believe in that, although it is a very optimistic stand. Whatever the outcome, I was glad that I waited. Even if it takes forever for me to understand.
...But you can't wait for forever. Only the losers wait.

I left my heart at the skyline.

I think I could get it back because I can see it in plain sight.
But I cannot because it is out of my reach.

I honestly don't know why it has to be

You.
I used to think I can control this nonsensical emotions, but it's becoming almost unbearable. I'm on the verge of messing up and I like the thought of that. But don't do it. I tell myself. Don't do it, silly.

I wanna cry

like the rain. That kind of feeling where you're tired of sunshine and hot weather, and you want to weather yourself under an umbrella, and hear the sound of droplets of water coming from the sky. And I want to hear myself cry.
Someone told me it is unhealthy to hold in your tears. I can sense my heart being needled every time I do that. Maybe that person is right.
Humans are like seasonal changes, we need that balance of sunlight and grey skies.
Then I should tell myself, I'm just human, not superwoman.
And breakthrough to tears.

Love is lalalalala ♫

Do people always write when they are sad, mad, or upset?
Seems so.
Even I'm not an exception.
Bad memories seem to last longer than the delightful ones. Hatred somehow overpowers love. People create a black hole of their own and fall right in only to find the other side empty and life becomes nonexistent. That's the result when negative thoughts build up and things fall apart. You lose everything. Let's embrace the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. We will realize how simple life will be when we are more satisfy with ourselves and all the things that are bestowed upon us. Because we done something right and wrong along the way to deserve these things. And somehow we will find a reason to everything one day, so let's accept this present. Let's not think about what could have been in the past and what might have happen in the future.
This is what I want to tell myself every single day.
Be happy heart :)

Nothing but a sandcastle

baby don't blow me away...♫

That's exactly how luck is. A sandcastle. Someone build it up and I happen upon it. I'm holding onto it, but I also know that this thing called "luck" can be easily blown away. Once that happen, it will no longer be mine.

These past few days I've been reaching the peak of luck. And I'm scared that it might reach a denouement, and leave me. I'm so happy with how things are going with my life. The fact that maybe we can become good friends, and maybe I can amount to something in your life. Also, a job offer came to me out of nowhere. And these past few days, I've been out and about instead of staying home half the day, doing nothing. Everything seems so perfect for me right now, yet I'm not used to this kind of perfection in my life. Before, barely anything goes the way I wanted it to. I hope this last. I really want a job. And I really want to see us one day laughing together, as good friends. Wish me the best of luck!!!

Really, truthfully, undoubtedly

I thought it would be different this time. Honestly, I really thought it would change. I tried, I tried with all my might. But no matter what I do, where I go, who I meet, my heart is still beating that one heart beat just for you.
That's just ridiculous.

I'm never alone.

Looking back at the old conversations I had with some of my friends, I realized that we were all so foolish to think that love is something hard to achieve. Turns out that we were just over-achievers.

Save me from myself.

I mean it.
Why does it hurt so much?
Maybe I'm just selfish.

Up to no good.

Too much drama. My neck hurts. Karma's a bitch. I could be out clubbin with my girls but I chose to stay home. I actually don't regret doing that cause staying home is a much much better option than having strangers feeling up on me on the dance floor. All in all, I'm still bored at home, nothing exciting has been happening. Wow I'm kinda ridiculous. Of course nothing exciting will happen when my ass decides to stay home.
What do I want to say, anyway?
Long Siggghhh. I'm quite tired of myself if no one is yet. Truth is I never learn. Time after time, I always run into situations where it is always too late. And once again, I repeat it. Is this my destiny? Do I believe in that? Heh, I swear one day my time will come. Because I am not destined to feel trapped, I'll find you one day.

Positive.

Today was a good day. Job hunting is the first thing I definitely should do, but the last thing that I want to do right now. But I did it anyway. There was a lot of discouragement and self-doubt because I don't have a notable list of achievements or job experience; not to mention, I am only staying in the bay for about 2 and a half months. For some reason, I like this balance; the feeling of optimism and self doubt evens out because if I don't get the job, I will not be too disappointed. At the same time, I have hope and I welcome any opportunity that will come my way. Be it a lie or whatever when they say "Yes, we are hiring!" but wow that made my day. Laughable. But I guess this is the picture of a girl who never had a job. Geez, regrets, I have lots. I could have gotten a job during my high school years, but my mom did not approve of it. That's why it got to me. My laziness and lack of encouragement to get a darn job. Someone help me because I really want to grow up. I feel like a little kid when I type out my resume only to stop at "Past employments." Yea I associate adulthood to that. Yes it is subjective, but let's say it is embarrassing to be 18 and not know what it's like to work. What constitutes happiness in our life can never be easily grasped, rightly fulfilled, or completely satisfied. It always changes. Like right now, a job would make me the happiest-go-lucky girl on Earth. No doubt.
And of course there's you. xP
Overly hopeless.
I'll suffice. I will remain positive because this balance of optimism and doubt has helped me to be strong.

Allow me to...

It really has been a while since I've been on this site. I guess nothing goes on in my mind lately because I was pretty numbed, depressed, and low for quite a long time. Now here's something to talk about. On the topic of having strong compassion for someone, I wish I could have the chance to feel it. I'm not denying that I haven't felt one of those things ever in my life. Of course I have, but the thing is I was never wholehearted. Like nothing was ever worth it, I foolishly decides to close my heart, then open it, only to close it up again. Let me know what it's like to wholly give my time to someone that I have feelings for. I wish I have that chance. I would not blame anyone who chooses not to wait for me because if I was his good friend, I would say the same to him that "She's not worth it." I was always scared to hurt someone because of my slow progress in understanding the meaning of giving myself up to love. So I told him, please don't wait for me with a simple paraphrase of "I don't like you." But now I'm so ready to be less selfish, more open to the happiness of giving you my hands, my ears, and my heart. It all sounds so easy, because everyone around me seems like understand this so well. But this is my flaw, why did it take so long for me to deliver it with eloquence and form? After all, I'm the person who doesn't seem to take chances. Therefore, I fall short in comprehending this simple ability to love that is almost as innate as hunting for food when you are hungry.

Please stop.

Am I being unrealistic here? It's foolish of me to think that we will ever amount to anything. And YOU. I don't hate you. In fact, I love you, too much. But I hate how you build me up with false hope then break me up part by part with your temporary happiness and constant indecisiveness. I only wish you to be happy because with that I would not regret. My regrets are eating me up.

Girlllllllllll.

Zee Avi.


Music saves my soul. Not Jesus.
I hope that didn't offend anybody xP

What a blop

This is the lowest point in my life.
I feel like I've lost everything
Not even a best friend I can depend on to prove to me,
"I'm still here."
Honestly, we don't talk that much anymore.
Maybe it was a mistake to be around so much.
Nothing feels real and complete anymore.
I missed the old days
I thank my family for being my undivided comfort.
At this point, I can't go on any longer facing you.
In my mind, I can make it through. And I've tried, so hard.
You don't even know nor do you understand.
It's not in my taste to sugar-coat everything.
Yet I also tend to lie numerous times even to myself.
A lot of people tell me that "ladidadidadida"
Easier said than done. Anyone should know this by now.
Don't you think that it has crossed my mind?
I tend to be out of line, I know.
Please, let's not stay in contact for awhile.
I need this time, too
To rethink, relive, heal, maybe.
'cause we're two parallel planes
Two people whose lives will not cross, again
Sayonara, baby.

Forget it.

Everyone is consumed in their own happiness, what will happen to the ones who do not have it?
Yes, have all the pleasures that you will, leave me be.
I'm selfish.
Yet I have nothing.
Ha ha, that's ironic.

Well there's a good news!

I recently flipped through the UCD course catalog, and Abby told me that Davis offered textile as a major. T,T,T,E,E,X Textile, there it is. I found where I wanted to be. Or at least for now...I think in my head, I've always wanted to work in this kind of field. Marketing. something. Maybe clothing. Fabrics, but how...Does college offer this specific category? Indeed so. So I was psyched, of course! I got it all planned out in my head, too. xP Minoring in a language. Maybe French, or some Asian language. I hope this is really something I want to do. So for the next 3 years, I will try work toward graduating with this major. It's so great when you know what you want because it is also rare. Wish me luck!

Trial-and-error

I've tried tumblr from Denny's recommendation, and I don't seem to like it. Maybe because I still haven't figured out the whole mechanism. Many people say that it's so simple, extremely easy to use, but I find blogger to match that description better. I don't know, I feel more at ease writing on this site.
Oh yea, and I also tried to stop liking you. Failed attempt.
I tried to befriend with a guy that Vivo, Jon, and I supposedly help to get with my best friend, but he can't even treat me like a friend. Fail, too.
I tried to be happier this year. XX
I tried to get Yingsi's present together so that it will get to her by May 7th, but Chi was not home to drive me around. XXX
I've tried to go to the arc at least 3-4 times a week. XXXX!!!
So much trial...and ERROR.
And I feel as empty as a drum. Credit to Norah Jones (Don't Know Why)

Now I'm

Buzzed off of tequila, and I'm still terribly missing you.
=/...

It's a taboo I tell you.

"I do my thing, you do your thing. You are you and I am I, and if in the end we end up together, it will be beautiful." (Topanga)

Last night, it was so real...and then it was a dream. Funny how everything works out. But does that mean we've reached Nirvana? No. That means we will have to suffice. Disregard the unsatisfaction.
Human beings are meant to fall apart. Then they are pieced back together.
Except they are no longer a true replicate of what they were before.
Is it a good or bad thing? We'll all have to wait and see.

independent or loneliness?

I wish the camera could capture what the eyes can see. Because you look beautiful.
You're almost unreachable right now. Like how the camera cannot reach its full potential to truly show the incomparable contour of your eyes. The fine lines in your smile. Your rough and sunburn hands that I long to hold. I wish I could have it all but then I don't have any of it.
I'm starting to think that everything I've done was a mistake. They were.
Oh yea and one of my pet peeves is regretting. I hate regretting. but now I find myself doing the thing that I hate most. I'm such a hypocrite.

=) It's hard to explain.

but let me take a shot at it. I almost forgot the feelings of over-excitement and butterflies in my stomach. This might just sound so corny, but the clouds are gray outside, and the rain is pouring, but damn all I see are flowers blooming and my world is being colored with optimism. Maybe this is why it feels so nice when you have someone on your mind. You are filled with anticipations and your smiles turn into a silly and unexplainable gesture. Ohhh I hate when that happen and people point it out, "Why are you smiling?" and they nudge at your arm as to tease you for your foolishness. And like the Jonas' brothers song "Lovebug," there is an annoying little bug that has found its victim. Although it is truly mind-bugging and heart-pestering, there's something about this little lovebug that has the ability to make me beam like I won a lottery. The downside is that thoughts of possibilities and impossibilities infest in my mind. But I would dare to think that maybe...something will turn out. Or not. Silly me. Regardless of whether he likes me or not, This just feel simply...pleasant.

Limited.

I just woke up and there's absolutely no one in my room. Yesterday night, I just learned from Lina that I need baking soda in my refrigerator so my food will not go bad so quickly. Wow, so much household advice to take in before I start living independently. I stayed up till 5 yesterday night I was too scared to sleep in my room alone. Sometimes I wonder when will I ever own a house by myself, and sleep by myself. Anyway, a topic that I want to touch on is college major.
Nowadays, most students choose their major in accordance to how much money they will make with that major. So we see students going into the engineering field, medical field, or biosci research field. And when I ask most of the students who are cramming with high-level math and chemistry classes, none of them like what they are taking in college. For me, I see college as a learning opportunity. Therefore, I go for classes that will teach me something new and interesting. But then all around me, I see students bombarding their ideas of this major will not make money, this major will make millions, I cannot help but be reeled into the fickle reality of life. Sometimes I would find myself struggling to find the right major that will land me a job with good wage. Everything is about money. There are a few individuals that I've met who have majored in something that they are interested in and not because it will give them a good job in the future. It is truly inspiring, but when I look back at myself I have to be honest. Truly honest with myself that I don't really have the knack for anything. Whether it comes to designing, math, science, or English, I do not best out of anything. It is pretty discouraging. To be more optimistic to myself, I take it that I love to learn. And eventually I will find something that I excel at. But how much time do I have left to learn and how much money can cover this expensive tuition that I'm paying for four years. It is Limited. And reality tells me that I have to continue walking or running, because time does not stop. The big, independent, adult world is waiting for me and I need to be prepare for it. It's truly overwhelming when I think about it. But I try not to.

I've been such a good student, it's un-be-liev-able.
No aim. No facebooking (well once every hour. lol)
Straight studying from lecture notes and what not.
This streak must continue. I must not lose my momentum.

Time

is abstract. It's the hate-it-or-love-it kind of thing. Well rather than "hate-love," time can be important or minuscule to a person. For me, time means everything. In order for me to like someone, I need time. Lots of time. Or forgiveness, it needs time, too. Becoming a person that I wish to be also takes time. When I truly need comfort, but you did not come to me in the nick of time, it was hard for me to pour my heart out to you. I would not say "too late," but do you know how much it would mean to me if you came to me at the right time, when I really needed help? But you did not. I'm hurt by this whole situation. And I was never the kind of person to run away. Nonetheless, I find myself running away right at this moment. Sometimes I would think, do I have the right to feel hurt, even when I am actually hurting someone else? Then I would have to surrender because I'm guilt-ridden. Time will turn into merely a nonexistent thing after everything is resolved. But I want you to know that right now...it means everything. So please stop being late.

A breather.

I feel like I've been suffocated with too much thoughts, too much sweets, too much care. And when have these things turned into "too much?" It used to be not enough, not enough, not enough. Now it's just overwhelming. I don't think I deserve all these. But everytime I recieve, I feel hurt instead of happy because I am also hurting that person. Should I just say "stop" and take no more? I've never come down to rejecting anyperson point blank unless the topic was brought up. It's hard for me, and I know I shouldn't be the one complaining because I have been fortunate for someone to put much thoughts into me. Still...it's something I can't seem to accept (and yet I do. How ironic) because in essence, I do not like him.
Honestly, I am selfish. And beyond that, I wish someone could comfort me and get me out of this. I am a bad person. =\

Happy S.A.D.

So...apparently I passed Valentine's day by 2 hours. I don't like Valentine's day because when you're single it kinda sucks. haha. But then someone sent me a sweet message and it really made my day. So right now I'm in San Diego because it was my sister's birthday. It was nice seeing my sisters again =) The ride here was...long and dreadful and I am not excited to go back at all. Another 8-9 hours. Honestly, I feel scared about school right now. I think I'm incredibly behind on everything!!! But let's not talk about that right now.
One thing that get me tongue tied is when people ask, "why don't you have a boyfriend?" How the hell am I gonna answer that! haha. Not that it's offending but I just can't find the answer to that question. It's not that I put myself in that position, it was more like, things do not happen at the right time and place for me. And that's how it's been for the last 8 years (starting when I was 10 years old). But you know what? It's fine because if something did not happen in it's natural course then it was not meant to be right?<3 to all my single friends out there and cheers to all the couples who made it to Valentine's day. Goodnight. =)

Some things.

I woke up at 1:10 today and it was because of a nightmare. I guess this one expressed the fear that I constantly have. The fear that my best friend might leave me someday with all the other people who wanted to be her friend. It was weird because I thought this fear has subsided during these past few days. For some reason, I dreamt of it today. This quarter has been the most dramatic one for me. From the overwhelming accumulation of work every end of the week to my insecurities, I filtered only some of the bad stuff. I'm glad I could still talk things over with Diem and in the end our friendship remained the same but also stronger. Still, I'm quite jealous that Patty and Nancy could openly expressed their love for each other all the time and we can't really do that. I guess it's ok because like You said, people could tell we're best friends without us announcing it. However, school has been a more stressful than it was last quarter. I think I should get my act together. Hopefully, I could catch up this weekend. Dang, I really missed Patty and Nancy and I want to see them soon!!!

A thought.

2:23, still working on my essay. Procrastination wins. And for once, I am not proud of it. But I'll stop talking about this lame topic of essay and school. So today I went to get a haircut and this topic came up while me and Diem were walking to the salon. It's been a long long while since I've talked to my high school friends. We haven't really made an effort to contact each other online, phone, or in person. Whenever I go back to Oakland over the weekend, I just stay home spending time with my family most of the time. I never make an effort to call my friends and hang out with them. On the surface, we all seem to be drifting apart. But honestly, in my heart I still feel the same for them. Of course I know that it cannot be guaranteed that we will be attach from now and 4 years later. It's scary how the effect of distance could slowly creep up and then slice a friendship into insignificant pieces. Unknowingly, we accept the outcome without any skirmish or fight as an attempt to save a little bit of the connection. No...commonly, we would just look forward, move on. As of now, I still feel close to most of my friends from high school. I hope it hasn't change for them either.

Truth hurts.

It's not that I don't care. I understand, if I were to put myself in your shoes, how you would feel. Being in a group of five where there are already two well-established friendships, it would be difficult to suppress the wanting to assimilate. But these kinds of things cannot be forced upon itself. Like even if you wanted to be best friend with someone, it could not be obligatory acts just to make another person feel better. And I don't want to lie to make you feel better because the truth is we haven't gotten to that level. At the same time, it doesn't mean that I don't care. There isn't much that I can do. It takes time and patience for a friendship to naturally grow. But do not dismiss the fact that all of us care and love each other. We would not leave each other behind and that is something sacred about our friendship. It doesn't happen everywhere and to everyone. On days, I wish that I could established a closer friendship to certain people, too. But then I know if I kept pushing at it, then the end product will be two words: uncomfortable, forceful. I don't want it to be that way with five of us. During high school, not all of us were close to each other. But look where we are at? There will always be someone in your life where you feel absolutely comfortable with. That is your best friend. You can have more than one depending on your preference. I have Diem. Then there are people who you know will be there to support you and make you feel belong. I have Panda.
edit: It's been pretty busy lately. For everyone. I recently depledged from a lil sis program. It took me a while to come to this decision. I just don't think it was for me. I like meeting new people and having fun I'm just not really the party, up-for-everything type of girl. I don't want to be a party pooper either. So lately, me and 5 other girls that I will be living with next year were looking for apartments. We found a really nice place but the review said that there is a high crime rate. But there will be some of our guy friends living there so I think we'll be fine. I most definitely cannot wait to move in. I'm so excited to managed a home of my own (along with my housemates) I can't wait to cook. I'm sooo sick of eating DC food. I'm wasting money left and right xP. The other time we did room-drawing from a bag and my dear luck got me and Diem the biggest room in the house. But it doesn't really make us feel good even though we got a big room because some people got the smaller room. I hate it whenever things come down to this. But we did a fair and square room assignment. If I were to get a small room, of course I would be iffy, but then I'd accept my fate. Honestly, even if you don't say anything, people would understand how crappy you feel for getting a small room. At least we would empathize. But pleaseee you don't have to be so open about it with your complaints and whines, we can't do much about it. I know I'm being mean for saying this, but it is unfair when we have to deal with complaints even though we did get our room under an unbiased and equal system. Anyway, I hope next year when we move in will be a good one. We will all be family-like! I like the people I'm living with already =) and of course the people who will be living close to us (the 'ba tam') hahaha.

Redemption.

Sometimes when I reminisce how I was back then, it makes me even more sad. I used to be so carefree, nothing (like what is happening right now) could break me down. I guess as you grow older, you feel the need to keep a spot for yourself in this world so that you will not be forgotten. So every little thing can make you feel threaten. Best friend, I'm glad I have someone like you around. Honestly, I feel guilty for always getting moody on you and demanding things out of you. I want to be like how I used to be and I think that's why you enjoy being around me right? Not like how I am now. But I'm thankful that you stick around and was understanding and sensible to my insecurities. I <3 you! I want to redeem myself because I think I made you tired. I want to be energetic like before. The fact that I depledge, I don't want that to cause a rift in our friendship. And it will not. I want to be like a comfort pillow to you not a blob of messiness for you to fix. It really shouldn't be that way and I'm sorry that it turned out that way. I think I should stop doubting you because that would only hurt both of us and our friendship. I promise that I would be a better best friend and that is my new year's resolution.

January 1st undoubtedly mark the year 2009.
I will NOT do an overview about 2008 or anything. I'm just going to say that the memories I had of that year were bittersweet. But I won't miss it. I can't.
2009 started off with a pound of love from my girls. It was a good night =)